Have you ever heard someone say “Stand on your story, not in it?”  When I have said it in the past, I am often asked questions like “What does that even mean?

It’s rather perfect of a phrase really.  To remind us that we have crawled into a space that emanates a warm and happy place that we want our life to be like.  

Everyone has a story, but the most important story is yours.  The story of your life is one you carry with you everywhere you go.  Even if you aren’t thinking about it, it is there.  Your story will be a part of every moment of the rest of your life.  If part of your story isn’t something you want to remember, don’t despair, because you don’t have to be "trapped inside” of it.  What I mean by that, is to allow it to dictate how the rest of your life will roll out.

Standing on your story is allowing yourself the freedom to embrace the knowledge and wisdom that you can obtain from your past, and allowing it to be a catalyst for success, freedom, peace and love.  Where as standing in your story is about staying in the space of a victim.  Sadly, this is where sadness, despair, anger, resentment and what you would classify as failure dwell.  

It’s very easy to stay in your story, and so no-one who is there should be thought of any less than the most wonderful person that they are. For some, it can be horribly difficult to step out and move on.  Away from being in the space of a victim and being able to enjoy the freedom to be who and what they want to be.  Because the truth is, we do have that freedom.  I truly believe that.

If someone is stuck in the space of being a victim, particularly after the causing event(s) have passed, I highly recommend that professional coaching or counselling is sought.  This is a person who is allowing the trauma to continue over and over again at their own hand.  However, if counselling is not needed, there is something that you can do to put yourself “ON” your story, instead of “IN” it.

Let me give you an example of how common this less than complex issue is and how wonderful it is to move on.

A past client came to me, seeking help, because she could not find “The man of her dreams”.  I’ll bet a latte that you’ve heard that from someone before.  Once she was able to see that she couldn’t find what she wanted was because she continued to purposely drag her story everywhere she went, she was able to pack it where it belonged (in the past) and have more happiness in her life.  Now, she is happily in the relationship that she before could only dream of.  One that she celebrates every day.  Her children are happy, she is happy, and he is present and happy.

So, what can you do to stand on your story instead of in it?

  1. Recognize and accept that you are the only person that can make the difference.

  2. Make strong efforts to do the necessary work

  3. Establish boundaries with yourself about your life

  4. Remember that your story, although in the past, is something you carry with you every day.

On #4, I want to be sure to say that your past doesn’t define you.  You do.  So if more success, freedom, peace and love is what you want, then you have to let it go.  Let your past be your catalyst for what you don’t want in life.

Until next time;

Leigh Burton

Here's a peak at some fantastic women "Letting Go" at our last retreat.